Your last name sounds familiar - are you a nepo baby?

I wish. Unfortunately, my dad is a Dutch immigrant who loves me but can’t further my career in any way. You’re probably thinking of Eddie Van Halen, the guitarist of the 80s rock band Van Halen, of whom I’m not related.

I don’t like your comedy. Do you have other skills? 

I know a ton about advanced baseball statistics. I’m good at political gambling. I play a little bit of piano and trombone. I like running. I ask good questions. 

How old are you?

29.

What are your favorite songs?

Changes daily but safe bets are always People I’ve Been Sad by Christine and the Queens or This Must Be The Place by the Talking Heads. 

How much money do you make?

If you email me I will gladly tell you.